on dreams + fears

Posted: November 19, 2012 by Rachel

Last night I dreamt that I was back home in Canada going to the church I used to attend when I was younger. I was planning to sing with the choir but twenty minutes before mass the choir director told me I needed to perform a flute solo because their flutist had come down with the flu and had called in last minute. I immediately began panicking because – while I did play flute for many years – I hadn’t picked it up in at least six years. I wasn’t even sure that I remembered all of the keys. I wasn’t really given a choice as to whether or not I wanted to play so I began reading over the music and practicing the best I could but I soon found out that not only did I not remember some of the keys, I couldn’t even recall how to read the music very well. I began to get visibly upset and about five minutes before I was to go on stage I ran up to the choir director with the intention of telling her that I would not be playing. Right as I was about to burst into tears I woke up.

I know what this dream was really representing.

Yesterday afternoon I admitted to my husband that I’m scared to death about giving birth, and that’s the truth. But I know that what is waiting for us on the other side of that is our baby, our family, and I try to focus on that. And even more so, I am trying to accept that it is perfectly normal for me to feel scared; “Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.”


  • Anonymous April 23, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    You. Can. Do. It!

    -V. The one who. cannot. do. it.

  • Krista Cibic April 23, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    I know exactly how you feel Rachel. When I was pregnant with Eli, I was absolutely terrified about the birthing part of it. But it is amazing how your body knows what to do, and even more amazing on how much pain you can put up with. But try not to focus on the pain part, focus on the end result; you will get to hold that precious baby boy – and it will all be forgotten. You will be an amazing mom, and the birth is really just a small sacrifice to what lies ahead for you and Dom. I love your posts, and can't wait for you to get to meet your little guy!


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