(un)happiness

Posted: April 22, 2014 by Rachel

i’ve always strived to be open, honest and real here in this space, and while that does often leave me feeling raw and vulnerable, i have found an awful lot of comfort in putting my thoughts out into the world and the response that i often receive when i do so. as such, i want to continue to only speak the truth, and not sugar coat my life in any way.

the truth is: as far back as i can remember, i have found it hard to maintain a solid level of happiness. i constantly ebb and flow. in fact, depression runs in my family – more specifically the women – and i have had a couple bouts in the past fifteen years.

when i am feeling unhappy, the first thing i often do is go out and buy some clothes, or new scrapbooking supplies, or something new for the house, thinking that i would feel better if only: i had nicer clothes, or a gorgeously decorated house. if only. if only. if only.

what i have come to realize lately is that everything i need to be a happier person is already inside of me. material possessions are not going to make a lick of a difference. in fact, once the shine factor wears off, i am left feeling guilty and stupid over spending the money in the first place.

everything that i need to be a happier person is already inside of me. i just have to find a way to bring it out. how do i do that? well, i think it begins with changing my attitude.

I’m always happy with what I’m doing, because I don’t compare it to anything else, and instead pay close attention to the activity itself. I’m always happy with whoever I’m with, because I learn to see the perfection in every person. I’m always happy with where I am, because there’s no place on Earth that’s not a miracle.

life will suck if you are always wishing you are doing something else. life will rock if you realize you’re already doing the best thing ever. “

– zen habits

i am making a conscious effort to be more present in my daily activities, to see the beauty in cleaning the kitchen and emptying the dishwasher.

i’m finding a way to prioritize the things that truly bring me joy, like spending time outside with my son, reading and writing.

i will begin writing a gratitude list each night before bed.

and instead of focusing on all the things that i want to change about myself, i’m going to begin focusing on the things about myself that i am happy with, because this unhappiness that i often feel begins and ends with me and my (often negative) attitudes towards myself and my life.

i’m ready to regain control of my life.

 

everything that i need to be a happier person is already inside of me.

xo,
rdg