the difference between them

Posted: July 6, 2014 by Rachel

My best friend gave birth to her second child two days ago and already I’m jealous. Not for the reasons you might think, no, but for one distinct reason: her newborn is actually acting like a newborn, whereas mine never did. 

As there are thousands of miles between us, I am granted a look into his life only through photographs and videos at the moment until we fly up to visit next month and what’s that? He’s sleeping peacefully in his swing, cuddled quietly in his daddy’s arms, curled up with his nana. This kid sleeps. 
Mine never did. 
He was never squishy and sleepy; we skipped right past that stage. He was thick and sturdy, and awake much more than he was asleep. As silly as it sounds I feel like I was robbed of that ooey-gooey stage.
I don’t plan on having any more children, but that isn’t stopping me from feeling the way I feel while staring in awe at the photos of the newest little person in our lives. 
I’d like to say that this is the only time I’ve looked at someone else’s child and felt jealous, but it’s not, nor will it be the last. 
I’m that mom rushing through the grocery store shaking boxes of pasta in front of DJs face trying to get him to stop fussing. I’m that mom who steps into the closet to cry (I’m not the only one crying when this goes down). I’m that mom who at the end of the day realizes she didn’t set foot outside for a single second. In fact, one of the only things I have managed to get down is leaving the house not looking like crap. I’ll take my wins where I can get ’em. 
While I do experience jealousy and envy, I know enough to know that those other mothers have hard times too. They too have struggled and cried and pleaded for relief. 
My son may not have slept well as a newborn, nor did he until finally sleeping through the night at 13 months old, and he may be a lot harder to feed and entertain than other children, but he’s mine. And that makes him the best -albeit hardest – thing that has ever happened to me, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. 

But maybe, just maybe, he could be a little more cuddly. 



Posted: July 6, 2014 by Rachel

“A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2014”

you understand the word snack. not only that, but you know enough to run over and sit on your couch when mommy brings one out. daddy says i have you trained like a dog. i just think you’re smart.