I love the show, GIRLS
, I do. From the moment I finished the pilot episode
I knew I was hooked, and I watched all three available seasons in quick succession. But something happened this time around
that made my heart ache.
It started when Marnie stopped by at 6am to see Hannah off. As they struggle to get her suitcase zipped up, Hannah pulls her friend into a long, heartfelt hug… and the aching in my chest exploded.
I can empathize with Hannah. I know what it’s like to leave the security of your home, and everything and everyone you know, and move on to a new chapter in your life, hoping that you’re heading towards something amazing, something that will define you and shape you into the person you so desperately want to be.
January 22nd will mark four years
since I left my friends, family and everything behind to move to Las Vegas. There has and always will be a hole in my chest for all that remains back in Canada, and witnessing that desperate hug among two best friends really hit hard. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss my life back home.
And so, as Hannah and Marnie hugged, I cried. I cried for all that I am missing – all the coffee dates and parties and milestones – and what my friends and family are in turn missing in regards to my life. Distance is isolating, lonely and deafening, and I often wonder if and when it will ever get any easier. Yet as the episode ended with Hannah in the back seat of her parents car on the way to the airport, I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt and took a deep breath.
I am stronger than Hannah Horvath, this I know.
I’ll be okay.