Earl Grey Tea, 40k and Envy, Among Other Things

I haven’t blogged in a long time, but I’m sitting here in this surprisingly empty coffee shop with a steaming cup of earl grey tea and earphones in to block out the bad choice of music, and it seems like the perfect time to catch you up on what’s going on.

I spent a lot of time home alone with my troublesome three-year-old this weekend while my husband was out showing houses, so this break of mine — these couple hours that I can call my own — feel like a breath of fresh air.

I know I have this annoying habit of being negative more often than not (which I’m working on every day, believe me). but here’s the truth for ya.

Life is kind of insanely difficult right now.

Between my full-time job and writing I am busier than ever. Dom is even busier than I am. And my kid… well, lets just say that if I had known what three would be like, I wouldn’t have been complaining about two.  Most days I’m fighting just to keep my head above water.

And to not drink all the wine.

I’ve been struggling with writing How To Be Someone Else lately. I’ve hit that oh-so-difficult part where you’ve written the thick of it, and you know the ending, but there’s that section in the middle that just doesn’t want to be written. Despite my best attempts I keep writing and re-writing. Typing and deleting, though I know I shouldn’t be. I keep trying to remind myself that this first draft just needs to be written, and I can worry about the rest later. But goodness… it’s not coming easily these days.

I hit the first goal I set for myself — which was to hit 40k by June 10 (I hit it on the 6th) — and I’ve set myself a new goal of 50k by the end of the month. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but with how much I’ve been struggling lately, I’m not sure it will happen. But, I keep trudging along.

I had a late lunch with a new friend on Friday and she asked me how my writing was going. It definitely hurt to tell her that it wasn’t going well. Admitting it to myself is one thing, but having to say it out loud is a whole new ball game.

Fortunately it wasn’t anything that a purchase at Lululemon couldn’t solve. #kiddingbutnotreallythough

This past week we had one of our biggest authors in town. I spent a lot of time with him, his wife and my boss, talking about everything from writing to the Vietnam war, to the sad state of people these days. For the most part,  I’m a quiet, reserved person, but when we get on the topic of people doing shitty things and being shitty people, I get really worked up. I felt like my Italian husband, waving my arms in wide circles while I rattled on (seriously, Italians know how to use their hands in conversation).

I guess the timing of this is pretty shitty, considering what just happened in Orlando, but I’ve always been so disappointed/horrified/embarrassed/ashamed of all the horrific events that happen in this country. Honestly, anytime stuff like this goes down I miss Canada more and more. I could talk about it for hours on end, but suffice it to say, there are some really awful people out there in the world.

I attended a high school graduation party last night and ended up speaking with three recent graduates about what they want to do with their lives (god, how much do I hate that term!) and I was absolutely blown away by their thoughtful responses. If I think back to when I was 18 and fresh out of high school, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I’d only known — like I’ve always known — that I wanted to do something creative. Totally vague, right?

Anyway, these girls blew me away. I sat across from them, my legs crossed, enraptured in their stories. And I was envious, did I mention that? What I wouldn’t give to go back to 18 and do things differently. And I wasn’t just envious… I was full on jealous. That is until they told me they thought I was 27 or 28… then I just loved them. Screw envy, jealously… it ruins everything.

So I guess that about catches you up with what’s been going on with me lately. Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to get back to my earl grey tea and see if I can’t make a dent in the last 9k of #HTBSE.