I’m coming to you this week from Kansas City, Missouri.
As I write this I’m fighting off tears. It’s Friday morning, I’m cold and I’m tired and more than anything I want to be back at home with my family.
My job thankfully doesn’t involve much travel. But when it does, I don’t like to be gone long. It doesn’t take more than a day away for me to miss my boys. To miss my bed. To miss home cooked meals and regular sleep patterns. Comfortable clothes and running shoes and a good cup of coffee.
I know the tears aren’t just about being away from home. I can blame it on that all I want but the truth is—and I’m finally admitting it—my writing isn’t going well. And I can’t recall a time I have ever struggled so hard. Every day, before I even sit down to write, I feel depleted. My heart is in it, but the rest of me isn’t. Even writing this, now, feels like a struggle.
So maybe I’ll let the tears come. As long as they heal me.
I recently had a friend ask me why I started writing these weekly 3 Things posts. Initially, they were a way to get myself writing. To write about things, people, places that I might not normally write about. I hoped–and continue to hope that writing these posts each week will force me to write about myself in a way that I’ve been too scared to. Take Chris for example; if I could one day write half as openly and honestly about my life the way he does about his? Well, then, I will have accomplished with these posts exactly what I had hoped.
I’d never been to Kansas City until now. I’m not sure that it would have been a city I appreciated earlier. In my twenties. But the 33-year-old version of myself walked for two and a half hours through the city. Sure I ducked into a few shops here and there, but mostly I just looked. I opened my eyes. I appreciated just how different the city is from anywhere I’ve been before. I took photographs of the buildings, of the doorways, of the stairs, of the water, of the street signs.
I walked for two and a half hours, sweating clean through my t-shirt because of the humidity that I’m not at all used to (coming from Vegas). But goodness, I think I could live here. It wouldn’t be too hard to love this city.