I was invited somewhere recently—a big event on a holiday I’m not so much a fan of. I thought about coming up with an excuse not to go, but then I realized how silly that would be. So I told my friend the truth. I told her it’s not my kind of thing and we’d rather stay close to home and keep things simple.
My friend replied, “I knew you were going to say that.”
At first, I laughed. But then, slowly, it came to me: am I really that predictable?
When I left Canada I thought it was going to kill me. Now I realize how silly I was. I can count the people and things I miss on one hand. Isn’t that always how it is, though? You think you can’t live without something–or someone–only to realize that you, in fact, can and will and do.
I’ve gone to sleep alone three times in the span of seven days. Dom, who is usually adamant about sticking close to home, has been out three times this week, crawling into bed at well past 11 pm. Sometimes he goes right to the guest bed so as not to disturb me.
I’ve always been the kind of person who needs time alone. There has to be balance. I can be social when I want to be, but I need to follow it up with time spent alone. At first, when I put our son to bed and sit back down, I think: I should enjoy this. It’s not often that my alone time happens in the house after 8 pm. And for a while, I do enjoy it. But then I start to miss him. And when I get into bed, knowing he’s not home and not knowing when he will be, I begin to feel lonely.
It’s Wednesday night as I write this, and I’m about to get into an empty bed. And that loneliness? Well, I feel it creeping up on me. But I’m not ashamed. I’m not worried. I know that he didn’t want to go out tonight; that he would rather have stayed home with his family. I take comfort in that.
I text him, Come to bed when you get home. I need you in bed next to me.
And I know I’ll hold him extra close tonight and every night. Because I’m a firm believer in the fact that absence makes the heart grow fonder. A little time apart can do wonders. It can remind you of just how much you have to be grateful for.