January 17

Posted: January 17, 2020 by Rachel

Life seems to moving at lightning speed these days. I keep telling myself to be better at writing it all down before I forget. Looking back, last year comes to me in one big blur of long work hours, grieving and maneuvering my way through the minefield that is parenting my six-year-old son (Seriously, it’s supposed to get easier at some point, isn’t it?). I don’t want 2020 to befall the same fate. So, here I am, attempting to redeem myself. 

We’re a little over halfway through January. How I feel about that is neither here nor there, I’m just happy to be done with 2019. I’ve spent these seventeen days rebuilding my daily writing habit, reading books of essays that are definitely having a positive effect on my writing, and attempting to cut down on my coffee consumption, which is harder than I imagined. All in all, I’m finally doing well, which is a roundabout way of saying that I’d been struggling for a while but I’m in a better place now. 

I shut myself off to a lot last year but now my eyes are wide open. My ears even more so. I’d forgotten that there are stories everywhere. In this coffee shop alone, I imagine the man in a backwards hat and shorts at the table next to me who has barely looked up from his laptop to be working on a fitness and meal plan for a new client who, after years of being jerked around by her mean, charismatic husband, finally had the guts to demand a divorce. The young girl behind the counter with the perpetual frown is angry with herself for still being a barista after so long. She was supposed to be supporting herself with her writing by now. I keep my eyes and ears open and the words come.

I’m also trying to read each night after I tuck my son in. I had been reading How To Fall In Love With Anyone but then my library hold on Followers came in and all bets were off. For the record, the book is truly as addictive as everyone is saying. I actively think about it while I’m working, counting down the hours until I crack it open again. I love when a book does that.

I swear; simple pleasures are everything.

Oof. Guys, can I just say that last year was tough on marriage. Off the top of my head I can count one, two, three, four marriages that ended, and almost as many that have turned sticky and complicated. I catch myself staring at Dom a lot these days, my thoughts hovering somewhere along the lines of: That won’t happen to us, and Please don’t let that happen to us. The other day a friend and her husband invited us out to grab a bite to eat after school pickup. We met them at a little Cuban place we’d never been to before and the food was beyond delicious. I must have pressed my hand flat to Dom’s wrist and said “This is why we need to be better about trying new things” three times throughout the meal. We are creatures of comfort and therefore tend to be pretty predictable. Trying something new and stepping out of our comfort zones feels more necessary than ever these days. I do know one thing though, and that’s that I love Dom at least five times more today than I did on the day I married him, so we must be doing something right.

Like I said, I’m keeping my eyes and ears open this year. And also: being more honest with myself and everyone else, which it turns out, people really respect. A close friend recently thanked me for the inspiration to take herself out of a situation she wasn’t comfortable in. To that I say: life is too short not to stand up for yourself and what you think is important. 

To conclude this meandering post, I will say this: Thank you for being here with me. For reading and listening and sending me lovely DM’s. I hope you are all feeling as inspired and hopeful in 2020 as I am. Cheers to Friday!