Some Thoughts on Gratitude

Posted: May 31, 2019

I woke up Wednesday morning with a deep sense of exhaustion in my bones and had only one thought beyond wishing I could go back to sleep: That I would be grateful for this day I’ve been granted. I closed my eyes and listened to the birds outside the window, the kind of quiet coming from my son’s bedroom that could only mean he was still asleep, the soft breathing of my husband in bed next to me. I slipped out of bed and tugged on a housecoat over my nightgown. I was on a mission for coffee; if I…

A New Chapter

Posted: May 28, 2019

I don’t notice the color of my therapist’s new office during my first visit, but looking back on it now, I imagine it to be an unimaginative shade of beige. Beige is boring. And entirely expected. I can, however, recall the way her dark hair was pulled away from her face, and her kind eyes. I wonder if that’s a prerequisite to becoming a therapist; those eyes. The kind that can coax anything from you—the truth, perhaps. Certainly everything else, too.

words to live by

Posted: May 24, 2019

What Has Always Been Again I resume the longlesson: how small a thingcan be pleasing, how littlein this hard world it takesto satisfy the mindand bring it to its rest. What more did Ithink I wanted? Here iswhat has always been.Here is what will alwaysbe. — Wendell Berry (via)

on losing a mother

she always knew when enough was enough

Posted: May 5, 2019

not many people can tell you what you’re in forwhen you lose a parent suddenly.i’m glad that’s the case, but good godit would be nice to talk to someone my agewho understands what it feels like. my mom died seventeen days ago.we’d been by her side for days, weeks, all of us—sisters, aunts, nieces, nephews, granddaughters,brothers, daughters, husband, friends—but she waited until i stepped out for a moment,when she could be alone with my dad,to take her last breath. i sat back in a tiny, uncomfortable chair,pulled my legs tight against me and wept.i’ve never felt more alone than in…

current office view

Ready for the Sun.

Posted: March 8, 2019

It got cold again here in Las Vegas. Although I feel almost bad typing this when my friends and family back in Ontario, Canada are dealing with highs almost thirty degrees cooler, it’s still cold. And overcast. And rainy. Two weeks ago, I wrote about how the cold and darkness of winter was getting to me. We’ve had some glimpses of sun since them, but nothing that has stuck. I know Spring is just around the corner, and that the clocks jumping forward this week will help, but, again: oof. I’m ready now. I’ve taken to raising the blinds here…

oof.

Posted: February 22, 2019

I’m not the least bit ashamed to say I’ve been struggling a bit lately. February. Dark, cold, tiring February. I’m not a fan. I’m not the biggest fan of winter overall, actually. One of the best things I ever did was leave Canada for Las Vegas eight years ago. The winters here are much more mild and forgiving, though I feel strange writing this as we come off of two days of heavy (for us) snowfall. You heard me right; I said snow. That photo was taken looking out my front window. So, February has kind of been kicking my…

things I think about at 5:30a.m. on (what happens to be) valentine’s day morning

Posted: February 14, 2019

First, and always: go back to bed. Then… everything else. I must remember to get heart balloons while DJ’s at school. I did that last year and he remembered, and asked if there would be balloons this year. He has a great memory when he wants to. Should I change things up now, while it’s early, and use my full name as a writer? More rain? And while we’re at it: I’m over this winter darkness and am ready for Spring. I really should try just to have one cup of coffee today. I’m not anti-Valentines Day but that doesn’t…

things and thoughts

Posted: January 29, 2019

I spend too much time on Instagram–this I know to be true. But sometimes it has its benefits, like when I came across a quote from Portuguese author Jose Micard Teixerira that so accurately summed up my belief system these days. He said, among many things: “I no longer have patience for certain things… simply because I have reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism. I lost the will to please those who do not like me,…

The Best Books I Read all Year (the 2018 Edition)

Posted: December 22, 2018

Here are (in my humble opinion) the best books I read in 2018, in no particular order: PLACES I STOPPED ON THE WAY HOME — I read this book over a 24-hour period in two sittings. When I was done, I typed out a simple, one line review: Review to come when I catch my breath. Well, it took me nearly twenty days to find the words to describe how much I truly ADORED this book. Meg’s words touched me–her hopelessness, her excitement, her love, her loss–in a way that I simply didn’t see coming. She simply took my breath…

What I Read: October 2018

What I Read: October 2018

Posted: November 1, 2018

Wow. So, it turns out I haven’t shared one of these posts since March, which definitely bums me out. But, I’m here, and I’m ready to share what I read in October. October was tough. It was a busy month, and when I did have time to read, I had trouble doing so. Nothing kept my attention. Well, except these books, apparently. What I read in October 2018: YOU  // Technically, this was my second time reading this book, but that still counts. I started watching the new Lifetime tv show, and got about two episodes in before deciding I…