This I can Control

Posted: October 1, 2019 by Rachel

I have this habit of making things more complicated than they need to be. I could give you countless examples, some much more personal than others, but I will use this one: I make the process of selecting a new journal almost torturous. To begin, I’m picky. The paper can’t be too slippery because then the pen moves too freely and my writing becomes illegible. It can’t be too heavy because I often carry it along with me in my purse. It can’t be too large for the reasoning just stated. It needs to be easy to write in, which usually rules out anything with too stiff a spine. 

Mid-week last week, I wrote the last entry in my current journal. Usually I’ve got the next book lined up and ready to go, but not this time. I took a sip of my coffee, pushed back from my desk and took my completed journal upstairs where I set it in the plastic bin along with the others before it. Back at my desk, the fact that I had nothing to say didn’t stop me from feeling strange that I had nothing to write in next.

I tried to ignore the feeling, but it was stubborn. And at 2:50pm I decided I had just enough time to run to the store to pick one up before picking up my son from school.

I chose the grocery store because I knew my choices would be limited. I knew I couldn’t over-complicate the process. I knew I could take the first steps of breaking a habit that has taken over my adult life. 

There’s a lot I can’t control in life, that I can’t change, but this… saying no to my own neurosis… this I can control. This I can change. And as small as it may seem to be, walking down that grocery aisle and selecting a journal in the span of five seconds feels like the beginning of something pretty great.

And it cost only $2.14.

This Post has no Discernible Theme

Posted: September 15, 2019

I sat staring at the blank screen for more than a few minutes this morning. Clicked over to a couple blogs I enjoy. Took another sip of my near-cold coffee. Stared down at my slightly chipped manicure. Writing—the act of it, the thought of it—feels so different this year. I hadn’t realized until she was gone that so much of what I wrote was done in the hopes of pleasing my mother. I wanted to write something she would be proud of. Now, I write almost nothing at all. What I do is read. Even more than I did before….

summer break is over

and just like that… summer break is over

Posted: August 12, 2019

This morning my son walked into his first day of the first grade which means, among many other things including time moving far too quickly, that summer break is over. There’s so much hope in the beginning, isn’t there? The warm weather, the sun, the long days: it all leads you to believe that summer will be magic. There will be popsicles and lie-ins and dips in the pool and, if you’re lucky, trips to the beach. But this summer break felt like a tease. There was the promise of a break. Of slower, gentler times. I allowed myself to…

current office view

Ready for the Sun.

Posted: March 8, 2019

It got cold again here in Las Vegas. Although I feel almost bad typing this when my friends and family back in Ontario, Canada are dealing with highs almost thirty degrees cooler, it’s still cold. And overcast. And rainy. Two weeks ago, I wrote about how the cold and darkness of winter was getting to me. We’ve had some glimpses of sun since them, but nothing that has stuck. I know Spring is just around the corner, and that the clocks jumping forward this week will help, but, again: oof. I’m ready now. I’ve taken to raising the blinds here…

oof.

Posted: February 22, 2019

I’m not the least bit ashamed to say I’ve been struggling a bit lately. February. Dark, cold, tiring February. I’m not a fan. I’m not the biggest fan of winter overall, actually. One of the best things I ever did was leave Canada for Las Vegas eight years ago. The winters here are much more mild and forgiving, though I feel strange writing this as we come off of two days of heavy (for us) snowfall. You heard me right; I said snow. That photo was taken looking out my front window. So, February has kind of been kicking my…

things I think about at 5:30a.m. on (what happens to be) valentine’s day morning

Posted: February 14, 2019

First, and always: go back to bed. Then… everything else. I must remember to get heart balloons while DJ’s at school. I did that last year and he remembered, and asked if there would be balloons this year. He has a great memory when he wants to. Should I change things up now, while it’s early, and use my full name as a writer? More rain? And while we’re at it: I’m over this winter darkness and am ready for Spring. I really should try just to have one cup of coffee today. I’m not anti-Valentines Day but that doesn’t…

things and thoughts

Posted: January 29, 2019

I spend too much time on Instagram–this I know to be true. But sometimes it has its benefits, like when I came across a quote from Portuguese author Jose Micard Teixerira that so accurately summed up my belief system these days. He said, among many things: “I no longer have patience for certain things… simply because I have reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism. I lost the will to please those who do not like me,…

Why I Journal

Why I Journal

Posted: September 7, 2018

In my 34 years on this planet, I have written and completed over thirty-two journals, and I often get asked, why. Why I journal. I recently discovered AllSwell (and their adorable notebooks) and immediately followed them on instagram. Recently, I received an email from them (I’d forgotten I’d signed up for their newsletter as well) with the subject line “are you an apology addict?”. I was intrigued, so I read on, coming across this: People ask if I re-read my journals. I keep them but rarely revisit them… RSVP no, thank you. For me, I release, process and move on…

How Am I Doing with that Must-Get-Around-to-Doing-that-Soon List?

Posted: August 9, 2018

By sheer, dumb luck I came across a list that I had written two and a half years ago. My MUST-GET-AROUND-TO-DOING-THAT-SOON LIST that I had completely forgotten about. Dare I read it over and see what I can scratch off the list? My Must-Get-Around-to-Doing-That-Soon List Book (and take) that vacation to Mexico for our fifth anniversary Read more classics Stop comparing myself to others Publish my second book Quarterly organization of DJ’s closet Buy a new journal for 2016 (preferably before 2016 begins) Try one new restaurant each month for date night Go back to Bardot for the beet and goat…

Las Vegas and Me

las vegas and me

Posted: May 5, 2018

I’ve been asked why I don’t write about Las Vegas much. For that, I don’t really have an answer beyond: how do I write about a city I don’t really know? It’s not like New York, where you might walk everywhere, where you run into friends on the subway or in line buying a bottle of wine. The closest I get to that kind of life is bumping into a fellow mom in the target grocery aisle (and even that, I can confidently say, has only happened twice in the just over seven years I’ve lived in this city). My…